The 2026 files · Historical reporting, not current injury or playoff status.

THE SCHADENFREUDE FILES

Houston, YOU have a problem

bad news for the bad guys

ROSTER NEWS

Seven runs. Several new problems.

Houston won 7–0 in Seattle on Sept. 22, but Cristian Javier exited after two innings with a groin issue and Brice Matthews aggravated his knee. Jeremy Peña also left after being hit by a pitch; his X-rays were negative. Daulton Varsho had already missed a second straight game with a wrist issue and remained day-to-day. Return timelines were still uncertain when reported.

OUR TAKESeven runs and somehow the lineup card still lost. Center field: some assembly required. October: batteries not included.

Read at Yahoo Sports
FORMER ASTRO · CUBS

Does the Houston curse have forwarding addresses?

Former Astro Alex Bregman, now with the Cubs, was struck in the face by a foul ball Sunday and treated at a hospital. He later posted an update from Chicago.

OUR TAKEYou can leave Houston. Apparently the bad juju has your forwarding address. Our completely unqualified curse department refuses to rule anything out.

Read at UPI
GAME REPORT

Ten strikeouts. Zero rescue.

Atlanta swept Houston with a 4–2 win despite Hunter Brown’s 10 strikeouts.

OUR TAKETen strikeouts, zero wins. Congratulations on being employee of the month at a failing business.

Read at MLB.com
RACE ANALYSIS

When Houston needed help.

The Houston Chronicle reported that the Astros no longer controlled their playoff fate after Saturday’s loss and the Rangers’ win.

Update · Sep 23: Houston regained control of its playoff path after its Sept. 22 win and Texas’ loss. The Sept. 19 report below is historical, not the current picture. Read the update

OUR TAKEBack in control of their own destiny. Unfortunately for Houston, that puts Houston in charge.

Read at Houston Chronicle · subscription may be required
ROSTER NEWS

No late-season Correa return.

Carlos Correa will not return this season, leaving Houston without the hoped-for lineup reinforcement.

OUR TAKEThe cavalry is not coming. Please direct all remaining postseason delusions to the nearest trash can.

Read at MLB.com
CITY HALL OF SHAME

The bayous have entered the chat.

Axios reported unsafe E. coli levels at Houston bayou monitoring sites in 2024–2025 testing. Historical sampling—not a new spill alert.

OUR TAKEWe thought the baseball was the part of Houston that belonged in the toilet. The bayous would like a word.

Read at Axios Houston
Curated picks · Reviewed · Reporting linked. Our takes unapologetically biased.